Dear Diary Pressure of Perfection
by creativethinking
Summary: An extract from Jade West's diary. Find out her thoughts and secrets... Also a story of her suicide, will there be hope though? Please Review xxxxxx
1. Dear Diary

I know diaries are girly and prissy but my mom thinks it's about time I find somewhere to vent out my feelings and let out my

negative thoughts.I know totally unfair right? Anyway so I guess i'd better start somewhere cause I know for a fact my mom is going

to have a weekly inspection of this. She treats me like i'm ten or something. I'm not Cat, I don't forget the number three or carry around

a purple toy. I guess I should start with Cat. Here it goes mom.

I've known Cat since I was little. We went to the same preschool and middle school and now high school. I'll tell you how we became friends.

One day I was sitting in the corner as usual writing some story I made up. Cat came over to be and sat beside me. She said she liked

my story and that she wanted to be friends.I immediately said no then regretted it as she burst into tears like a little fountain. I tried

to comfort her,I even apologized. She looked up at me and asked if we could be friends again.I said yes. She was like a little ball

of sunshine for the rest of the day. Later on we started bonding more and I realized I liked her. She wasn't like normal girls and I liked that.

Okay,there mom happy? Probably not. You're only happy around Luke, your new boyfriend. I don't really have much against him, he's

okay, I guess.I hate my dad's new wifs though. She is so annoying and that yappy little dog. Oh god I hate that thing. I have to admit

one of the reasons i'm not like usual teenagers is partly because of my divorced when I was the next four years

there was always one thought in the back of my head 'Was it my fault?, how could I have stopped it?' But I later got over it and dealt with

it. I know my dad still doesn't really believe in me but he's been trying. He came to the full moon jam and saw me and Beck get back

together.I was grounded for a week though, for showing ''inappropriate public affection''. I guess the French part didn't help he did

say he was glad we got back together. I guess that brings me to Beck. Here we go.

I still remember when he first asked me out. His attempts were pretty hilarious though he made me promise not to tell the others since

he knew the teasing would never stop. But since this is a diary it doesn't matter. The first time he walked into my locker door. The next

he tripped down the stairs.I guess it was third time lucky. I'll tell you what happened

I was walking to my locker when my bag split. My books went everywhere. He came over and helped me pick them up.I picked up my bag

which had completely split.

'Here' He took off his own bag. It was a Gears of War bag.'Use this' He put my books into it and put his own books into his locker.

'Uh thanks. I'll give it to you tomorrow'

'What? Oh no you can keep 'll need it.I have a different one'

'Oh thanks. Hey do I recognize you?'

'Oh yeah i'm the ''walking into lockers, tripping down the stairs guy'' '

'Right. What was up with that?'

'Oh well I was trying to ask you out but then all that stuff happened'

'Why did you want to ask me out?'

'Well I've seen you around and honestly I was in love with you before I hit the ground. You're really pretty and talented'

'Alright. So isn't there something you want to ask me?'

'What?...oh..right..um you wanna go out with me?'

'Sure' I started walking down the hall.

'I'll pick you up at eight tomorrow night' He called after me.

I'm not allowed to tell the others about the tripping up and truth is Beck was seriously clumsy and accident prone.I guess

he grew out of it. So what next?

Actually I can't really think of 're supposed to write a bunch of secrets in a diary so I guess i'll list a couple.

1.I'm dyslexic

2.I have very low self-esteem

I was six I had a hit single

So there you go.I'll explain them a little more.

No one except for my teachers and parents know i'm dyslexic.

Sikowitz and Gradstein give me special scripts. Sometimes it's only a matter

of highlighting my lines but I've learned other ways too. I've considered telling maybe

Cat and Beck but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. If anyone knew they would think how

ironic it is considering how I want to be an actress and writer.

My low self-esteem is something Cat knows about. I'd say it to Beck but I don't want to appear as

i'd of thrown that it into our fights I know I would of won and we wouldn't of broke up and had

problems. I think recently he has suspected it. Everyone always thought I was just extremely jealous and I was really

self-centered. I do try and make it seem like I think i'm really awesome but I don't know if I am. From the way people

say how mean and selfish I am, I guess not. I have been going to classes to sort it out my insecurities though.

Do you remember 'Lil Jadelyn'? Well that was me. I had a hit song and I was going to get my own show but then when I turned ten they said

I was too old. I knew it was coming since my contract only lasted till I was then I had hazel brown curly hair and I always had a bow in my hair

and I wore pink little dresses and stuff. You'd probably wondered why then I go to a performing school and wasn't I sorted for life after? I wanted to try

and be a normal kid after because I'd missed so much. I grew up too fast and missed out on a lot. Okay that's enough venting for now. Bye mom.


	2. Pressure of Perfection

_'If anyone should ever read this I want you to know I was happy. I had everything yet it was never enough._

_People may say it was a waste of beauty and talent, but to kill oneself for a bigger cause is no waste._

_People say that every one of us have something to give, mine was my life to save a million others._

_People say a lot of things, those of us who listen will hear what we want to we want to hear _

_is not necessarily truth, we see what we want to see and in the end its always going_

_to come down to your own decisions.I wanted to live, I really do, but no one is going to suffer because of what I want._

_'I may seem lucky, but luck only lasts so long._

_All those people who thought I was selfish,_

_My parents who never took the time to know me,_

_All my friends who I really did care about,_

_Living a lie is not who I am_

_I just wanted to be loved_

_Very few people understood that_

_Even now I suffer from the pressures of perfection' _Tori put down the note and looked at her friends.

Tori shook her head in disbelief at the suicide note.

'I can't believe this!' Tears slipped out of her eyes.

Andre came over and held Tori to him.

Beck was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands. He picked up the note and saw there was more on the back.

_'Cat, you were like my sister. You still are.I'll miss you but I had to do this._

_Other people thought you were just smiles and giggles but I know how much you were hurt._

_My own brother, I know you won't understand this but someday you will._

_Evan, my little half-brother, again you won't understand this but when you do you won't pity._

_For my friends, Andre I know your gonna make it out there and Shapiro, comfort Cat._

_I know Tori you and I have never seen eye to eye and I regret not trying more._

_No one really understood it, neither did I but I really wish you the best._

_Do I regret hurting all those people? Yes I did. I never wanted to hurt anyone._

_Maybe I did at the time but I was being stupid and selfish_

_Even now I can't help but feel selfish_

_Beck, I'm sorry. I really am. You'll never know your daughter now and she'll never know you.'_

Beck read the full note. He looked closely at the first paragraph. She had started with a capital each time. He knew he would of

never cared about grammar when he was about to kill himself but it still bothered him. He took the letter of each sentence and wrote it out

'I am alive..come find... me..B...eck. I am alive, come find me Beck' Beck whispered this to himself and knew it was to coincidence.

Jade was alive and Beck had to find her.


End file.
